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On the Hour/The Day Today

On The Hour and The Day Today are spoof news series written by: Chris Morris, Aramndo Ianucci, Steve Coogan, Rebecca Front, David Quantick, Patrick Marber, Doon Mackikan, David Schneider, Stuart Lee and Richard Herring!

On The Hour
On The Hour Episode guide by Adam Almond

Series 1:

Episode 1 - 09/08/91 – It’s 11:20, This is On the Hour

Main News Stories:
Prison breakout for charity.
Train Crash at Bigge Street Station.
A1 road buckled.
Safeway’s bag of cocaine.
Alan Partridge:
Nigel Mansell retired.
Linford Christie: Groin strain.
Green Desk:
Whale walk.
Raindrop appeal.
Wood appeal.
Audio Pullout:
Get Hip and GO!
Health campaign: Don’t Catch a Disease. The Week on Four
Special Reports:
Police Corruption.

Episode 2 – 16/08/91 - It’s O’clock at five O’ Clock, this is On the Hour

Main News Stories:
Rubber Dog.
Alan Partridge:
Cricket: Glenmorgan vs. Middlesex.
Golf: Sevvy Ballesteros.
Showjumping: Lucinda Grene.
Green Desk: N/A
Audio Pullout:
The Colour Supplement
Your Things.
Cosavari Ludez obituary.
The Don’t Catch a disease FACE SUIT.
Special Reports:
Hostage release.
Care in the Community: What is it? What’s happening to it?

Episode 3 – 23/08/91 – Due to recent events tonight’s On the Hour has been cancelled. In its place is the one that would have gone out instead.

Main News Reports:
The constant unravelling of events.
New Animal.
It’s War!
Alan Partridge:
Snooker finals.
British Open.
Green Desk:
Events Diary.
Audio Pullout:
Get a Life.
Test Driving cars.
Campaign: Keep the Law
Special Reports:

Episode 4 – 30/08/91 – The big hand’s pointing to the seven, this is On the Hour.

Main News Stories:
M25 is missing.
All milk should be sterilised
Alan Partridge:
Transfer news.
Racing Tips.
Wife Dies.
Green Desk:
Display of water.
No need for cruel experiments on animals.
Old women’s pants
Audio Pullout:
Campaign: Follow the letter of the law.
It’s Your Region.
Special Reports:
Barton’s matches.

Episode 5 – 6/09/91 - My hand’s pointing to the twelve, I am On the Hour.

Main News Stories:
Inner-city disturbances.
Penelope Keith Riots.
Farmer suicide.
Alan Partridge:
Fishing News.
Duncan Goodhew’s hair has grown back.
Goodhew and Dolphin in a musical.
Wife rose from the dead.
Green Desk:
Events Diary.
Audio Pullout:
Thank God It’s satire day.
World Summit on the future.
Video review.
Special Reports:
State of Tennis.
Wayne Carr: Satanic records.

Christmas Special – 25/12/91 – This is On the Hour at Christmas. Mary, Joseph and THE NEWS!

Main News Stories:
Village of Spratton is lost.
Alan Partridge: Alan’s been sick.
My year in sport.
Green Desk:
Have sex with me and save a tree.
The On the Hour year in NEWS.
Pets a presents.
Later on four.
Ken Clarke’s campaign to stop parents lying to their children.
Go Away.
Special Reports:
CBN: Father Christmas execution.

Series 2:

Episode 1 - 23/04/92 –Fact is taking centre stage. This is On the Hour

Main News Stories:
DNA found guilty.
Jenkins the Killer Whale escape.
Alan Partridge:
Clive Allen sold.
Racing results.
Tottenham Sold.
Sumo interview.
Green Desk:
Shropshire’s biggest Mushroom.
Sit in a pen and save a hen.
Eat more lose more.
Behind the news.
Special Reports:
CBN: Sanspurto.

Episode 2 – 30/04/92 – This is On the Hour, arise Sir News!

Main News Stories:
Ireland has burst.
Alan Partridge:
Gordon Strackan sold.
Summer of Action.
Green Desk:
How does it feel to be an eel?
Personal cress farms.
Know Your Globe.
On the Hour’s 33rd anniversary.
Special Reports:
Statue in Birmingham vomiting blood.
CBN: Daimler Jeffries.

Episode 3 – 07/04/92- Dr. Fact is knocking at the door, someone please, let the man in!

Main News Stories:
Bank of England has lost the pound.
Station Slippage.
Fake Kidnapping.
New number.
Cliff Richard saves the jobless.
Alan Partridge:
Racing results.
Graham Gooch interview.
Green Desk:
Teenage girl’s vests.
Doctors have magic healing powers.
The Welsh.
Special Reports:
The Pursuit of Space.

Episode 4 – 14/04/92 – Man is only 90% water, On the Hour is 100% News!

Main News Stories:
Schools to fight.
Argentina run by a brick layer from Durham.
Alan Partridge:
Gabriella Sabitini interview.
Jo Berrington and Cathy Long interview.
Green Desk:
Silly String.
New defence weapon.
The Welsh.
Special Reports:
Prince Edward is to be executed.
Care for the elderly.

Episode 5 – 21/04/92 – Heads it’s news, tails it’s news……It’s news!

Main News Stories:
Nuclear attack on Chicago.
Homemade weapons are laughable.
Alan Partridge:
The Olympics.
Green Desk:
Beached whale vigil.
Dandelion séance.
Dolphin watch.
The next general election.
Hot Air.
Special Reports:
CBN: Gender cleansing.
Budget defecit.
Public schools.

Episode 6 – 28/04/92 – These facts are ear shaped, lets ram them home.

Main News Stories:
Tate gallery attacked by Origami.
Prison breakouts.
Police audio fit.
Alan Partridge:
Arsenal’s Paul Merson is ill.
Linford Christie won his race.
Green Desk:
Soil is out friend.
Drama breakdown unit.
24 hours of On the Hour.
Customer services.
1960’s news.
How the news is assembled.
Special Reports:
CBN: Guns.
The nature of the universe.

Feedback and comments to adamalmond678@hotmail.com

The Day Today (From Cook'd and Bomb'd)
19/01/1994 - Main News Attack
Christopher Morris looks on aghast as Clanger McMartin presents real life footage of drama and gore in ?쏧t?셲 Your Blood?? Alan Partridge looks back at some of the sporting highlights of the sporting season, Prince Charles volunteers to spend a term in jail to set an example, and Barbara Wintergreen reports from America, where a serial killer is to be executed in the style of Elvis Presley?셲 death. Plus! A shocking expose on bullying in the church, and a special preview of BBC2?셲 forthcoming ?쏛ttitudes Night??
26/01/1994 - The Big Report
Christopher Morris gets hip and streetsmart to the latest musinews from satellite channel Rok TV, while Alan Partridge gets soaking wet for a live horse racing report from Marple. Coming up as stories in the broadgramme tonight - an in-depth look at the appalling rise in the use of illegal backstreet dentists, and the first part of an in at the deep end look at a day in the life of St. Lamb?ì…² Pool in Acton.

02/02/1994 - Meganews
This is THE NEWS! Her Majesty The Queen and Prime Minister John Major have been involved in some sort of drubbing incident, but not even an event of this magnitude can prevent The Day Today from bringing you the real news! So stay tuned as Ted Maul gives us the garble on an infestation of horses in the London Underground, Alan Partridge follows sport right off the sportstrack, Richard Branson undergoes a probing interview in The Dentist?셲 Chair, and Barbara Wintergreen toasts the bride in an electric chair wedding. And if you don?셳 like news, sod off and watch ?쏷he Bureau??

09/02/1994 - Stretchcast
Top gits tonight: evidence mounts that the Police have taken to eating suspects, the IRA launch a campaign of dog bomb attacks in mainland Britain, a top scientist delivers a shock report on near-death experiences, and Alan Partridge presents his World Cup Countdown to ??4. So long as Peter O?섽anrahahanrahan doesn?셳 lose the news, that is.

16/02/1994 - Magnifivent
In Britain, ?쁔he Pound??has gone missing while ministers fall victim to Slemmel?셲 Disease. In America, a serial killer is about to be executed by the reanimated corpse of his final victim. Elsewhere in the world, the bloody gibbon of WAR is raging. So where is The Day Today? Where else but??in the thick of THE NEWS!!! And as today is the anniversary of 1944, there?셲 a special reminiscipackage on that too.

23/02/1994 - Newsatrolysis (aka Factgasm)
Colin Poppshed keeps us up to date with all the latest Gay News, Peter O?섽anrahahanrahan explains how a factory can function on minus ten thousand workers, Alan Partridge gets a crash course in self-defence, Sylvester Stewart ricochets around the Metball for all our weather needs, and Ted Maul keeps a live watch on a trapped commuter train, the stranded passengers of which have reverted to paganism. Could any of this be more important than the fate of Simon Rattle, last seen lost in cress?

The Day Today Mininews. These went out the night before each episode of TDT.

Includes a report on unattended farms, Alan Partridge commentating on a tennis match, a preview of the shocking expose on bullying in The Church, and speculation on the trumpeter behind Britain's Police.
Chris Morris reports on ugly children who have 'the looks of an old man', and Alan Partridge previews tomorrow's horse racing at Marple.
Special health warnings about Dentists nominating teeth for treatment and 100mph babies, Rosie May casts her glance towards meat farms, and Morris and Partridge display their football skills.
Shock news tonight - Frank Sinatra is not famous. He merely achieved the illusion with the aid of pulleys and two way mirrors. Also coming up tomorrow - the horned schoolboy who has been banned from maths, and metaphysics Alan Partridge style. 15/02/1994
Chris Morris and the Day Today Newsdancer run down the top ten news. This week?ì…² highest climber: Alan Partridge interviews a Russian tennis ace. And ain't it the funkiest newsiest mothersucker in the hood right now. Yo bro, dance me a full stop yo'll what??
Includes Barbara Wintergreen reporting on the bizarre case of the world's youngest man, Alan Partridge commentating on a bobsleigh tournament, and drama beneath the waves with a live telephone linkup to a trapped submarine. We're with them every inch of the bloody way

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