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Why Bother? (Talkback/BBC Radio 3, 1994)

A series of ten-minute comic conversations between Chris Morris and Peter Cook, taking the form of interviews with Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling, a debauched aristocratic character whom Cook had been performing since the 1960s. The two improvised the entire five shows from scratch in the studio, yet the results still managed to sound amazingly slick and brilliantly devised. Although "Why Bother?" was largely unknown and unheard until the BBC gave the series a belated release on cassette and CD, it captures both Morris and Cook at the height of their powers of invention, and in particular it disproves the lazy and completely unsubstantiated journalistic myth that Cook somehow lost his comic powers in his later years. Importantly, this series marked the first collaboration between Morris and the independent production company Talkback, with whom he continues to work closely to this day.

10/01/1994 - Eels, Love And Guns
"Now on Radio 3, the first in a series of five interviews with one of Britain's most distinguished peers. Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling is renowned at home and abroad as an entrepreneur, politician, humanist and explorer. He is perhaps one of the true examples of a Renaissance Man. However, his more controversial projects, such as his pioneering working testing designer drugs on imported orphans have led to strained relations with the media. In 1968 he broke Malcolm Muggeridge's arm in two. He's refused to be interviewed for more than ten years. What follows is therefore a unique chance to hear the recollections and opinions of Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling in conversation with the broadcaster Christopher Morris". A simple question about experiments on eels leads to a string of sordid and revealing confessions, as Sir Arthur discusses his roles in the instigation of the LA Riots and the expansion of Betty Grable's legs, reminisces painfully about his love affair with Lita Rosa, and reveals the truth behind his recent arrest in the vicinity of Eric Clapton's house.
11/01/1994 - Bears
"Now on Radio 3, the second in a series of interviews with one of Britain's most distinguished peers, Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling. Tomorrow sees the publication of the Sir Arthur report on prisons and, earlier today, Christopher Morris met him to discuss it". Sir Arthur heaves a weary sigh as he faces up to the inevitable and impending end of his life, leading on to his plans to revolutionise prisons based on his father's insistence that he should spend his early childhood behind bars, his days spent fighting in the Foreign Legion alongside Rex Harrison, and the year and a half he endured in the company of some Canadian Bears.

12/01/1994 - Christ
"And now on Radio 3, the third in this week's series of interviews with Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling. As well as being a renowned Internationalist, a confident of Fidel Castro and enemy of Leon Brittan, Sir Arthur is a less well-known, but no less accomplished, explorer and biologist. In tonight's interview with the broadcaster Christopher Morris he reveals the remarkable archaeological discovery he'll be unveiling in tomorrow's lecture to the Royal Society". Sir Arthur wants to start a very boring anecdote about beekeeping, but the rest of the world wants to hear about his discovery of the fossilised remains of the infant Christ, the implications that this breakthrough holds for the world's religions, and the plans of a large Japanese corporation to mass-produce miniaturised cloned versions. [This was based on an unused idea from "On The Hour"]

13/01/1994 - Prisoner Of War
"This is BBC Radio 3, and now, the fourth in our series of interviews with the politician and human rights abuser Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling. This esteemed and reviled knight, now well into his late 70s, has agreed to break a ten year media silence for Radio 3 and speak to the broadcaster Christopher Morris. It's not quite clear why he made this decision although it is known that he's unlikely to finish his autobiography 'Not Worth The Candle' before his imminent death". To the accompaniment of Gavin The Hairdresser and his pre-snipping ritual, Sir Arthur recounts his days in a World War II Japanese prison camp and the innovations he brought to the production of railway lines, and explains exactly how four and a half seconds of film can prove his innocence of the charges of collaborating with the enemy and beating his workers. He also pulls a sleeve from his jacket while talking.

14/01/1994 - Drugs Etc.
"And now Radio 3 presents the last in our series of interviews with Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling. Sir Arthur has always professed a strong love of music, writing a string of patriotic toe-tappers during the war and setting fire to Brian Wilson when he ran out of hits. In this evening's interview with the broadcaster Christopher Morris, Sir Arthur explains why he decided to purchase the BBC Concert Orchestra". Sir Arthur pinpoints the violent details of some of his more bloodthirsty clashes with business rivals, and discusses the various politicians who took to copying his moves, from Michael Heseltine devising his own wrestling move 'The Heseltine Handy' with the aid of WWF fighter Rudy The Giant Vacuum Cleaner, to Leon Brittan's pathetic attempts at bursting into meetings on a food trolley.

"Sir Arthur is not expected to live beyond May"

Why Bother is avaible on BBC radio collection CD and cassette.

Blue Jam
(Talkback/BBC Radio 1, 1997-1999)
Mere months after the stormclouds of controversy had rained down on “Brass Eye? Chris Morris made a surprisingly low key return with this almost unannounced new series. “Blue Jam? an experimental comedy series that for once really did do something experimental, moved sharply away from the previous style of Morris?humour; instead, it adopted a sketch format, with its disturbing and surreal scenarios of dark and sinister concepts sketched out by desolate monologues and dreamy, murmured conversations. Behind these sounds lay a complex and intricate mix of ambient dance music, continental pop and spectral ballads, closely mirroring the mood of each item with their evocative sounds. Morris produced and wrote (with Peter Baynham and others) the series, although he shared performing duties with Kevin Eldon, Julia Davis, David Cann, Amelia Bulmore and Mark Heap. “Blue Jam?was broadcast in the small hours of the morning, but even here Morris was not safe from the attentions of the censors, and the final show of the initial run of six episodes was faded out after just fifteen minutes when Radio 1 panicked over his re-editing of The Archbishop Of Canterbury’s speech from the funeral of The Princess Of Wales (rumours persist that Morris was told this could not be broadcast, but surreptitiously swapped the tapes at the last minute). Into total, three sets of six episodes were produced between 1997 and 1999, two of which won the Sony Award for Best Radio Comedy.

14/11/1997 - eee arth welcome
A Man, A Gun And A Gibbon/Doctor's Surgery: Kissing Doctor/Baby Fighting Tournaments/Interview With An LWT Complainer/Radio 1 Newsbeat/Doctor's Surgery: More Kissing Doctor/My Disposition - by Ivor Cutler/Cunts Of Gold /Doctor's Surgery: Not Much Of A Throat Left
Music - Apollo 440 'Electric Guide In Blue'/Barry Adamson 'Something Wicked This Way Comes'/KLF ‘Six Hours To Louisiana, Black Coffee Going Cold?Brigitte Bardot 'Le Madrague'/Serge Gainsbourg And Brigitte Bardot - 'Bonnie And Clyde'/Eels 'Beautiful Freak'/Baby Fox 'When The Rain Comes'/Bjork 'Isobel'/REM 'Tongue'/David Byrne 'Finite Alright'/Bomb The Bass 'Somewhere'/Massive Attack 'Be Thankful'/Chemical Brothers 'Private Psychedelic Reel'/Stereolab 'Cybele's Reverie'/'Everything Is Fine In Heaven' (from "Eraserhead" soundtrack).

21/11/1997 - oob ab welcome
Doctor's Surgery: Bad Jokes/Genital Transplants: 42 Year old Man With Baby's Genitalia, Woman With Genitals Of A Duck /Conceptual Art/Acupuncture Torture/Backward Message In 'Candle In The Wind 97'/Newsreader Tantrum/Monged Sex/More Conceptual Art/Doctor's Surgery: More Bad Jokes

Music - DJ Shadow ‘Midnight In A Perfect World?The Cardigans ‘Celia Inside?Coco And The Bean ‘Versus The 90s?Sly And The Family Stone ‘Babies Makin?Babies?Aphex Twin ‘Rhubarb?D’Angelo ‘Brown Sugar?The Alessi Brothers ‘Oh Lori?

27/11/1997 - ar oo mug welcome
Wage Negotiations/Doctor's Surgery: Knee Confusion/The Builder/Doctor's Surgery: Diagnosis Argument/Crime Reconstruction/Wage Negotiations/Self-Assembling Gun/Uncaring Parents: The Missing Child

Music - Baby Fox 'In Your Dreams'/Morcheeba 'Never An Easy Way'/Spearhead ‘People In Tha Middle?Moodswings ‘The Great Sound Of Letting Go?Rolling Stones ‘Fool To Cry?Jimi Tenor ‘Outta Space?Barry Adamson ‘Miles?Ambisonic ‘Helicopter Kinda Girl?Prefab Sprout ‘Electric Guitars?Teardrop Explodes ‘Tiny Children?Dubstar ‘Stars?

04/12/1997 - oo vuf welcome
Doctor's Surgery: Telephone Diagnosis/Sweary Man: 4ft Car/Redundant Pop Manager/The Eden Current Account Advert/Michael Alexander St John: Dance Charts/Stomach Gun/Mr Bentham: Directory Enquiries/Landlord: Eviction By Slices/Psychiatrist Sex Games

Music - Chemical Brothers ‘Where Do I Begin??Propellerheads ‘Go Faster?Moloko - 'Day For Night'/The Beach Boys ‘Surf’s Up? Mulu ‘Desire?John Lennon ‘Number 9 Dream?Acid Brass ‘Pacific 202?Finley Quaye ‘Even After All?Goldie ‘Inner City Life?Bjork ‘Joga?William Orbit ‘Story Of Light?Sannah ‘Let Your Love Shine?Beth Orton ‘Best Bit?

11/12/1997 - oy vu vak welcome
Ping Pong Fountain/Doctor's Surgery: Ugly Patient/Dodgy Lawyer/Monologue: The London Dungeon Job/Monged Sex/Reluctant Newsagent/Child Abduction Helpline/Andrew Morton Interview/Dodgy Lawyer Part Two/Andrew Morton Interview

Music - Tricky ‘Overcome?Etienne De Crecy ‘Prix Choc?Morcheeba ‘Moog Island?Apollo 440 ‘Stealth?Beck ‘Beercan?Velvet Underground ‘I’ll Be Your Mirror?DJ Food ‘Turtle Soup?Portishead ‘Sour Times?Air ‘Soldissimo?Olive ‘Miracle?Divine Comedy ‘Ten Seconds To Midnight?

18/12/1997 - ooh vudge welcome
Genital Transplant: 4 Year Old Girl to 45 Year Old Man/Doctor's Surgery: Don't Like Doctors/Doctor's Surgery: Bribing A Sprained Knee/Diana Funeral Speech [FADED OUT AT THIS POINT]

Music - Everything But The Girl ‘Missing?Massive Attack ‘Weather Storm?Baby Fox ‘Curlylocks?Soul Coughing ‘Screenwriters?Blues?

26/03/1998 - ooh vudge welcome
Genital Transplants: 4 Year Old Girl With The Penis And Testes Of A 45 Year Old Man/Doctor's Surgery: Patients Who Don't Like Doctors, Bribing A Sprained Knee/Meeja Hors D'Oeuvres/Sweary Man: Plastic Arsehole Till/Uncaring Parent: Shoot And Burn/Unemployed Welshmen: Messing With Monument/Pub Millionairess/Doctor's Surgery: Bribing A Nose Bleed [THIS WAS THE SAME AS THE PREVIOUS EPISODE, ONLY WITH THE DIANA SPEECH EDITED OUT]

Music - Everything But The Girl ‘Missing?Massive Attack ‘Weather Storm?Baby Fox ‘Curlylocks?Hoyt Curtin ‘All New Scooby Doo Movies Theme?Moloko ‘Party Weirdo?The Cardigans ‘Beautiful One?Jim Reeves ‘He’ll Have To Go?Sneaker Pimps ? Underground?Ben Harper ‘Mama’s Tripping?Opus III ‘It’s A Fine Day?Steely Dan ‘Hey Nineteen?Big Star ‘If You’s A Viper?

02/04/1998 - oo thub welcome
Toothbrush Orgasm/Doctor's Surgery: Synchronised Cocks/Suicide Journalist/Michael Alexander St John: Club Scene/Kiddie Gangsters: Dial-A-Murder/TV Lizards

Music - Sade ‘Your Love Is King?Morcheeba ‘Blindfold?Funki Porcini ‘Going Down?Pizzicato 5 ‘The World Is Spinning At 45rpm?William Orbit ‘Water From A Vine Leaf?Air ‘Sexy Boy?Aphex Twin ‘Tree?Jim White ‘Still Waters?Pulp ‘Dishes?

09/04/1998 - oo taz welcome
Crash Helmet/Kiddie Gangster: Chopped Up Man/Wine Wanker/Mr Bentham: Untidy Pockets/Doctor's Surgery: Heroin Shot/Diving Helmet Full Of Bees/Nicholas Parsons Edit/Club Hammer Resurrection

Music -Prefab Sprout ‘When Love Breaks Down?Happy Mondays ‘Loose Fit?Aphex Twin ‘Grass?Jimi Tenor ‘Nobody’s Perfect?Beck ‘Strange Invitation?Ambisonic ‘Mobilized?Serge Gainsbourg ‘Initials BB?Morcheeba ‘The Sea?Moloko ‘Fun For Me?

16/04/1998 - aah oo ziz welcome
Mr Cocky Night Light/Unnecessary Operations/Rothko/The Gush/Doctor's Surgery: Children's Clothes/Sacked For Being Too Good/Genital Transplants:Canary With A Boy's Penis

Music - Imagination ‘Body Talk?Crash Test Dummies ‘Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm?Amon Tobin ‘Melody Infringement?Air ‘You Make It Easy?Massive Attack ‘Mezzanine?Madonna ‘Ray Of Light?Stereolab ‘The Flower Called Nowhere?Coldcut ‘Autumn Leaves?Brian Eno ‘Another Green World?

23/04/1998 - mm ah u zim pulz whar welcome
Swimming In The Fish Tank/Stupid Watchmen/Mr Martinue Goes To The Zoo/Doctor's Surgery: Fighting Therapy/Unemployed Welshmen/Telephone Number Uncertainty/Monged Sex/Symptomless Coma

Music - Massive Attack ‘Black Milk?Grace Jones ‘Jamaican Guy?Spearhead ‘The Payroll?Morcheeba ‘Fear And Love?REM ‘Tongue?Bjork ‘Unravel?

30/04/1998 - oooh ahhh ahhh moorz moorz welcome
Divorce For The Child's Sake/Lions In School/Living Outdoors/Interview With Jerry Springer/A Thing In The Sky/Doctor's Surgery: Making A Cake/Living Next Door To A Giant/Telling The Birds To Shut Up

Music - Guns’n’Roses ‘Sweet Child O’Mine?Air ‘Remember?The Cardigans ‘Great Divide?Morcheeba ‘Bulletproof?Eels ‘Flower?Massive Attack ‘Unfinished Sympathy?Dubstar ‘Just A Girl She Said?Sly And The Family Stone ‘If You Want Me To Stay?

21/01/1999 - package holiday welcome [Sony Award Winning Mess]
Welsh Foreplay/School Selection Rigging/Street Sausage Vendors/Doctor's Surgery: Oedipus Complex/Hopeless Serial Killer On The Telephone/Urine Transfusions/Doctor's Surgery: Hiding Doctor/Frogmen

Music - Kensuke Shina - 'Lounge Music'/Plone - 'Plock'/Autechre - 'Unknown'/Tricky & Alison Goldtrapp - 'Pumpkin'/Air - 'Professionnels'/Howie B - 'Sore Brown Eyes'/Mercury Rev - 'Holes'/Donald Fagen - 'Karmakyriad'/4hero - 'Star Chasers'/Sie - 'Message From Jupiter'/Beck - 'Tropicalia'/Amp - 'When'/Sacred Spirit - 'Unknown'/Mono - 'Disney Town'/Baby Mammoth - 'Cinquante Piquante'/Mr Scruff - 'Fish'/Marvin Gaye - 'When Did You Stop Loving Me?'

28/01/1999 - ar uh h-hm-hm-hmu welcome [Supermonged Balm]
Press Conference For Kidnapped Child/Committing Sexual Assault By Invitation/Sandwich Bar: No Uglies/Sandwich Bar: The Office Worker/Doctor's Surgery: Blindfolded Doctor/Dance Chart/Kiddie Gangster: Cow Killer/Plumber Fixes Dead Baby/Office Worker Bouncing

Music - Low - 'Down'/Massive Attack - 'Tear Drop'/Michael Brook - 'Earth Floor'/Esthero - 'That Girl'/Clifford Gilberto - 'Restless'/Mica - 'Carefree'/9Lazy9 - 'Brothers Of The Red'/The Egg - 'Getting Away With It'/Grooverider - 'C Funk'/Moloko - 'Caught In A Whisper'/Howie B - 'Shag'/Lisa Germano - 'Reptile'/Tipsy - 'Space Golf'/Third Eye Foundation - 'For All The Brothers & Sisters'/Lambchop - 'The Saturday Option'

04/02/1999 - oo costrinsi welcome [Bleeding Head Ragout With Music]
Doctor's Surgery: Nurse Billy Connolly/Voodoo Child/Monologue: A Cigarette, A Playwright And A Tumescence/Raspberry Telephone/Lucy Tiseman/Microscopic Hoover/Possessed By Beethoven

Music - Roy Budd - 'Carter Takes A Train'/The Eels - '3 Speed'/Funki Porcini - 'The Afterlife'/Frederic Galliano - 'Multiples'/Herbert - 'Sonow'/Choc Weazel - 'Unknown'/Spacer - 'Duke's House'/9Lazy9 - 'Electric Lazyland'/Beck - 'We Live Again'/Brigitte Bardot - 'Un Jour Comme Un Autre'/Amon Tobin - 'Nova'/The Passions - 'I'm In Love With A German Film Star'/Alpha - 'Something Later'/PJ Harvey - 'The Wind'/Rae & Christian - 'The Hush'/Kristen Hersh - 'What'll We Do With The Baby'

11/02/1999 - har com plusiam bezhley welcome [Hear The Poor Sods Suffer While The Music Plays A Beauty Mash]
Doctor's Surgery: Does It Hurt As Much As This?/Innocent Man On A Train/Benny And His Mother/Employment Agency For Thick People/Open Abdomen Therapy/Unemployed Welshmen/Doctor's Surgery: HIV Test Results

Music - Howie B - 'Music For Babies'/Scritti Politti - 'The Sweetest Girl'/Aphex Twin - 'Selected Ambient Works 2 CD1 Track 7'/Moloko - 'Inside'/Nicola Alesini, Fabio Capanni, Roedelius - 'Roedelius'/Mercury Rev - 'Tonight It Shows'/DJ Vadim - 'London Feel Or Mood'/John Spencer Blues Explosion - 'Lovin Machine'/Funki Porcini - 'Tiny Kangeroo Dolphin'/Funki Porcini - 'Long Road'/Doris - 'Did You Give The World Some Love Today'/Windy & Carl - 'I Dream Of Blue'/Sweet Harmony - 'Sweet Harmony'/ Funki Porcini - 'Surge'/Artist Unknown - 'A Fly Over Bombay'/Broadcast - 'Booklovers'

18/02/1999 - al trang un sabers welcome [A distraught woman manages to bribe the plumber to try and fix her dead baby]
Adulterous Raping/Hiding Under The Furniture/Suzy's Wedding/Doctor's Surgery: Phone Sex Fundraising/List Of Cool/Mr Bentham: Lost And Found Service/Lesbian Disharmony

Music - Ruben Alpha - 'Lunar'/Madder Rose - 'My Star'/Laurent Garnier - 'Deep Sea Diving'/Beck - 'Dead Melodies'/Ganger - 'Blau'/Talvin Singh - 'Disser/Point.Mento.B'/Talvin Singh - 'Vikram The Vampire'/Loop Whale - 'Track 1'/Dramatics - 'What U See/Get'/9Lazy9 - 'Journeyman'/The Orb - 'Little Fluffy Clouds'/Ballistic Brothers - 'Uschi's Groove'/Red Snapper - 'Seeing Red'/Artist Unknown - 'Healing Place'/Sons Of Silence - 'A Grain Of Sand'/Etienne Daho - 'Track 4'/Jah Fair & Yo La Tengo - 'The Helpful Monkey Wallpapers Entire Home'

25/02/1999 - oo huxterpaz welcome [The Last One]
Speedking Hawking/Scubadiving In A Puddle/First Floor Suicide/Doctor's Surgery: Pinhead Dwarf/Monged Sex: Dog Impressions/Monged Sex: Dad Interruption/Decapitation Art/Bowie's Romantic Dinners/Idiot Compound/Mr Bentham: Parking Club Pedantry/Pistol Plummet/Superintendent Strang/Four Horses

Music - Boom Boom Satellites - 'Track 10'/Beta Band - 'Inner Meet Me'/Mercury Rev - 'Pick'/Underworld - 'Bruce Lee'/Sade - 'I Will Be Your Friend'/Track 12 (Classic Mellow Vol 1: Mellow Mellow/Lowrell)/The Roots - 'You Got Me'/Susumu Yokota - 'Track 4'/Black Star Liner - 'Superfly And Bindi'/The Lance Gambit Trio - 'Cocktail 2000'/PJ Harvey - 'The River'/Spacer - 'Track 4'/Language Lab - 'Track 2'/Cardigans - 'Erase/Rewind'/Alpha - 'Firefly'/Aphex Twin - 'Windowlicker'/Lisa Germano - 'Wood Floors'

Blue Jam (Talkback, 1998)
The pilot of a television adaptation of the radio series, which later mutated into “jam? It is probable that this show featured the same audio and visual experimentation that characterised the later series, and that earlier versions of many of the sketches were included. It is also entirely possible that this show featured a version of the ‘Rothko?monologue, subliminal shots of which were included in several episodes of “jam? The entire show exists in Talkback’s archives.

jam (Talkback/Channel 4, 2000)
Episode Guide
A television version of the radio series “Blue Jam? retaining the macabre subject matter and ambient soundtracks of the original, and presenting the material in distorted, disorientating visuals. Featuring the same team as its radio precursor, “jam?pushed the boundaries of television comedy further than any other show had done for many years, experimenting with form and setting as much as it did with notions of taste and acceptability. Although the series concentrated mainly on sketch material, it is possible that both the ‘Rothko?monologue (which appeared in the form of subliminal clips) and the Diana Funeral speech (which has since appeared at bishopslips.com) were filmed but not used. Unusually, “jam?was transmitted without a commercial break, at Morris?insistence and Channel 4’s agreement. At the time of writing, no decision had been announced on a second series of “jam? although rumours suggest that one is at least under consideration.

jaaaaam (Talkback/Channel 4, 2000)
A set of remixes of the six episodes of Jam featuring altered visual effects and soundtracks. These were transmitted in the early hours of Sunday morning, starting in the week of transmission of the third episode of Jam and were shown between 09/04/2000 and 14/04/2000. Although six editions of Jaaaaam were prepared, only five were shown, with episode six appearing where episode five should have been. It is believed that this was connected to material that had been excised from the original Jam five, which Morris insisted should be reinstated for Jaaaaam This dispute had clearly not been settled by the following week, when the ordinary Jam five appeared in the slot where the final Jaaaaam should have been.

23/03/2000 - blue chemotherapy wig welcome
Overprotective Parents/The Day Kilroy Lost His Mind/Symptomless Coma/Sweary Man: Fucking Noddy/The Man Who Married Himself/Poppadom Violence/Thick People Agency/Suicide With An Escape Clause/Spacehopper Flagellation/Adulterous Raping/subliminal shot of Rothko dragging man down road/Doctor's Surgery: Painful Leg
Music - Bark Psychosis 'Pendulum Man'/310 'Strangely'/Propellerheads 'Go Faster'/Frederic Galliano 'Multiples Un'/Fila Brazillia 'A Zed And Two L's'/Sade 'I Will Be Your Friend'/Minnie Riperton 'Loving You'/Barry Adamson 'Something Wicked This Way Comes'/Brian Eno 'An Ending (Ascent)'

30/03/2000 - astonishing sod ape welcome
Delivery Room Infidelity/Doctor's Surgery: Telephone Diagnosis/Mr. Bentham: Saturday Evening Plans/The Gush/Shredder Vengeance/Richard Madeley/Baby Plumber/Shop Hold Up/Distressed Daughter/Prime Of Life Funeral

Music - Gearwhore 'Passion'/Labradford 'P'/Jim Reeves 'He'll Have To Go'/Typhoon Tosh 'Round And Round'/Thomas Dolby 'Screen Kiss'/The Beloved 'Sweet Harmony' (Live The Dream Mix)/Les Rhythmes Digitales 'Kontakte'/Lisa Germano 'Reptile'/The Third Eye Foundation 'Lions Writing The Bible'/Transglobal Underground 'Air Giant'/Morcheeba 'The Sea'/Stanley Myers 'Tell Her You Love Her'/Jackie Wilson 'The Sweetest Feeling'

06/04/2000 - ooh pig welcome
Welsh Foreplay/Doctor's Surgery: Synchronised Cocks/Lowering The Value of Kilburn High Road/Mr Lizard/Alternative To A Pay Rise/Stomach Gun/The Rose Orchard Preterm Clinic/Mr Bentham: Lost Wallet/Musical Press Conference/The Competition For School Places/Subliminal Shot of Rothko

Music -Moloko 'Butterfly 747'/Elixir 'March of Osiris'/The Wiseguys ‘Too Easy'/Funki Porcini 'Going Down'/To Rococo Rot 'Meran'/Aphex Twin ‘Untitled (CD1 TR7)?Crash Test Dummies 'Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm'/DJ Shadow 'Midnight In A Perfect World'/Robert Fripp & David Sylvian 'Bringing Down The Light'Groove Armada remix of Language Lab 'Burning Disaster'

13/04/2000 - arrested for copying dogs welcome
Doctor's Surgery: Sex Lines/Miniature Hoover/Maria the Six Year Old Mafia Fixer/Mr. Bentham: Chin Coolant Sachets/Abortion Present/Double Rectal Shooting/Lucy Tiseman

Music - Prefab Sprout 'When Love Breaks Down'/Alpha 'Sometime Later'/Aphex Twin 'Untitled'/Brian Eno 'Thursday Afternoon'/Funki Porcini 'River of Smack'/Doris 'Would You Give The World...'/Amon Tobin 'Nova'/Sie 'Ruben D'Alpha'/Aphex Twin 'Untitled' (from Selected Ambient Works Vol 2)/Daevid Allen 'Euterpe Gratitude Piece (Good Morning)'

20/04/2000 - ooh, fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss...
Acupuncture With Nine Inch Nails/Doctor's Surgery: Self-Induced Blindness/House Bargaining/Shop Hold-Up: Threatening Gestures Made On Wrong Day/Gentleman Farmer Living Outside/Range Rover Urinal/Uncaring Parents

Music - Sie 'Lunar Distance'/Bomb The Bass 'Somewhere'/Aphex Twin 'Untitled'/Kensuke Shina 'Lounge Music'/The Beta Band 'Dogs Got A Bone'/Alpha 'Over'/A Reminiscent Drive 'A Fly Over Bombay'/The Brave 'On The Road'/Brian Eno & Daniel Lanois 'Deep Blue Day'/Armando Trovaioli 'Racconto Televisio'

27/04/2000 - born dead through your own arse welcome
Sexual Assualt By Invitation/Childrens Party/Failed Lift Warnings/Genital Transplants: Four Year Old Girl With Genitals Of Forty-Five Year Old Man/Unrepressed Gayness/Pregnant Yokels/Bestiality in a Veterinary Surgery/Police Search 'Mah Na Mah Na'/Monged Sex/subliminal shot of Rothko dragging man down road/Doctor's Surgery: Urinating Doctor

Music - Michael Brook 'Earth Floor'/Brigitte Bardot 'Un Jour Comme Un Autre'/The Irresistible Force 'The Lie-in King'/Massive Attack 'Weather Storm'/Coldcut 'Autumn Leaves'/Rae & Christian 'The Hush'/Moodswings 'The Great Sound of Letting Go'/Piero Umiliani 'Mah Na Mah Na'/Impact All Stars 'Jaro'/Third Eye Foundation 'Lions Writing The Bible'

Jam/Jaaam Introductions
Jam 1

When dancing, lost in techno trance, arms flailing gawky Bez, then find you snaked on drugs, and slowly dawns, you’re jazzing to the bleak tone of a life support machine, that marks the steady beating of your day old baby daughter, and when midnight sirens lead to zoo flash, road mash, stretchers covered in [screaming and thawing redneck], and you creep in blankets to snuggle close to mangle bird, but soon you too will be freezer drawered. Then welcome, mmm, oo chemotherapy wig, welcome in Jam, Jam, Jam, Jam, Jam, Jaaaaaaaaaam.

Jam 2

When roped to concrete and noose your bourble, for car powered head tickles, and find your scheme all twunted by a Honda, and when all your taxi journeys come to this. “TAXI!” “Err could I travel in the boot, please?” “The boot?” “I prefer to travel in the boot” “Really?” “It feels safer.” “Oh all right?” Then welcome, mmm, ooh astonishing sod ape, welcome in Jam.

Jam 3

When walk to work, all swig faced, six months since you clowned it up, and old friends cross the street, and no-one pays you any heed, except the dung breathed men, who often not, will pick you up, and van you to the fens, to wrestle pigs. Then welcome, oo pig welcome, in Jam, Jam, Jaam, Jaam, Jaaaaaaaaaaaam.

Jam 4

When shake your head, at local paper story of crime kid, then look again, and see that he is you, this long lens shifty bugger in the park. When every quid destroys your life, even when the phone ring off the bloody hook, and when wake to wonder where you are, whilst rest of you wonder where you’ve gone, then welcome, mmm arrested for copying dogs, welcome, in Jam, Jam, Jaaaaaam.

Jam 5

When surface from a four day crash, bluebottle gobbed, and hear the children call you maggot mouth (Maggot mouth Maggot mouth Maggot mouth), and rise to find they’ve raped your guts, so fall you Jesse, they crown you “King of Cantaloupe”, and gob you up a synapse bomb, so now you hooting weather skate, and clocky you’ve been prammed, to serenade the door, of your ex-wife, and pierced on glares of ice, you fold to weeping topple. Then find you’ve wandered back to school, and frit the squabs, and now here comes a teacher with the cops. Then welcome, mmm, ooo fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss, welcome in Jaaaaaaaaam.

Jam 6

When dreadful duty, leads you to the place, where you distorted, and when you walking dog, and call the children, “He won’t bite!”, then see them run, deranged by what you’re dragging round, and have been since you found him eyeless, stiff and putrid, after seven moths of “Ooh, I wonder where he’s got to?”. Then welcome, mmm, ooo born dead through your own arse, welcome in Jaaaaaaaam.

Blue Jam intro's coming soon!